The Momtastics

Posted by Colleen Shields on March 08, 2010
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This is a week that I was reminded of the heights of stress that motherhood can reach, as I crested the Himalayans. With hysteria in my eyes I deterred strangers from my path, but not my children. It was the kind of week that made you just want to lock yourself in the bathroom with a pillow and wake up tomorrow or maybe the next day. Four out of six of us were sick, requiring constant dosing of medicines, taking temperatures, running to the pharmacy and doctors offices. On top of that, our new insurance prevented me from going to the drive through pharmacy....Who knew that taking four children in and out of the Giant would be such an ordeal? It's difficult to describe the level of stress, frustration and upset that transpired from such a task. Mind you, the children had the nerve to act like children. Of course I'm pretty sure that the other shoppers didn't see them as children, rather as very loud little minions darting through the aisles, with a very exasperated mother following behind.
In one of the few quiet moments of the week during yoga, I was reminded to "let go". I tensed thinking about all the details, stressors and things that I must worry about. "Let go. Enjoy this moment of quiet and peace." When I really took the words in- to just let go, I realized at that moment how much I was actually keeping in. I realized how much I had taken on as my own, how much I was worrying about it, and how really I did indeed just need to let go. I kept this thought with me for the rest of the week, and kept repeating it to myself to "let go". Like a little gift, neatly wrapped in sparkling gold paper and a big bow, I pass on to you a few moments of letting go that we all need at some time or another, and apparently I need quite a lot.
1. When you are alone, be alone. Stop worrying thinking and driving yourself crazy analyzing how to solve your problems.
2. Look up when you are down. I got 8 lbs. of free shrimp from Giant- a promotion deal from their pharmacy...(my husband reminds me it wasn't exactly free). There are deals all around you, but if you are too stressed and upset or maniacal you will miss them.
3. Do what you can, and then be done. When you are preparing for a big event, at some point, be done. Meaning when it's that moment when you know that you have done most of what can be done, just have trust and faith that it will work out, and give it as a gift to the those around you.
4. Stop worrying about everyone else. They will live. No amount of worrying for them will solve their problems.
5. Stop trying so hard with some people. Sometimes there is that old friend that you keep trying to connect to who doesn't seem to reciprocate, or that person at work who vaguely ignores you when you are nice to them. Let those people go, and stop trying.
6. Leave the mess. It will be there for you when you come home.
7. Get off the cross, we need the wood. This is not my quote, however, I do believe it. If you are so busy feeling sorry for yourself, you are robbing others of what they need from you, and robbing yourself too.
8. Stop comparing yourself to others. Sometimes it’s not the dirty car that bothers us, with cheerios and dried cheese sticks to the carpet, it’s that we know that others will notice and judge. Who cares?
9. You are on the same team. When couples are enduring stress, they fight each other. Remind yourself one of you is the quarterback and the other is the running back and darn it you will win together.
10. Trust your swing. A golf aficionado asked me recently "Do you try to hit the ball?", I said "Well, yeah...??" She said, "That's the trick to golf, you can't try. You must have the fluidity down and trust you will hit the ball."
If you trust yourself, and let all ancillary stress go, you will be happier. I guarantee it.

Posted by Colleen Shields on February 28, 2010
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Sometimes as you are standing at the sink in the kitchen doing the dishes again, you just can't help but notice how nice your neighbor's patio is. You peek out back, to the space where your own patio could be, one day, with that outdoor couch set and the huge umbrella and lots of tropical trees strategically placed. But alas, you see grass, well sort of grass, maybe more mud than grass. And then it begins- you begin to notice the nicks in the walls from little matchbox cars, maybe a crayon or two going down the hallway, the dirty laundry pile which appears to be growing before your eyes...and you start to wonder, "Really, this is it?"

You see it didn't start out this way. You bought the house after an exhaustive search. You were excited and energized. You picked out paint colors together. You searched and found furniture for 'the perfect' spot. You happily hung pictures of new collages and arranged the pantry and bought the linens. You were busy creating a home. Eventually however, the paints are long put away, and the walls start to show their wear.

It seems to me, marriage is a lot like this house we make a home. We begin with excitement and a great spirit of hope for our future. We work feverishly to begin a life together. Eventually things settle in, and life happens. It seems to me this is when a perfectly good marriage begins to show its wear. I now long for the twenties, when I went to a lot of weddings, or the early thirties when I went to a lot of Christenings. The late thirties seem to involve a lot of divorce. So here is a bit of my perspective, which I wish that some of these same people would consider before they spend the rest of their life fighting over their children:

1. Get Over Yourself!: "I have a right to be happy"....No, You don't. Happiness is earned, and it has a lot to do with how hard you are willing to work for it.
2. Take Time: Do you go to the gym? Do you play an intramural sport? Do you go to classes to further your career? These are things you are doing to work on something. It's a concerted effort. Try giving your marriage a concerted effort. Guys- remember when you courted your wife? You worked on it. Now you need to work on it again.
3. Be Interested: When was the last time you showed interest in what your spouse does in their work life, spare time or home life?
4. Learn Something New Together: Discovering new territories of your relationship require you to change your perspective. Take a class together- online bible study, online cooking class, couples dancing class, online massage??? Figure it out.
5. Remember Why You Got Married: Stop fighting and remember back to why you got together in the first place. Look at old pictures and old journals. There was a reason you fell in love, find it.
6. Do Special Things for Each Other: Do one of the chores from your spouses list. Laundry is my domain, and I came home last night to about 6 loads folded and put away. It showed me that my husband truly loves me/has pity for me when I really need it.
7. Make Your Marriage a Priority: Sundays are my husbands only day off work, so I protect it like a Momma Bear. It's sacrosanct. I make no plans or commitments for the family. It's strictly our day as a family together. Treat your marriage like that.
8. Schedule Alone Time: Go away alone together once a year. If you can't afford it, have family or friends take your children for the night, and make your home a little escape for the night with lots of candles and great takeout- but no chores allowed.
9. Have Lots of Sex: Dr. Oz thinks our country is in a sex crisis cause we aren't having enough of it. Girls remember, sometimes sex is like running- you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it, then you do it, and you are like "Wow, why don't I do that more often?" Get creative, and do it, a lot of it.
10. Be Friends: Remember when you first started dating and were first married? Your spouse should be your best friend. He should be the first person you want to call when you have good news. If he's not, then you have a warning sign that attention is required!

Please for the love of God and all things sacred, work on your marriage people! I can't stand heartbreak and heartache...! To see videos and read more blogs, log on to http://www.TheMomtastics.com

Posted by Colleen Shields on February 20, 2010
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Many people contend that mini-van drivers are the worst on the road. I believe this is directly attributable to sleep-deprivation. Like millions of mothers around the world, I woke up this morning, just like yesterday morning: feeling like I didn't actually go to bed, I just took a series of short naps. The larger the family, the greater the odds that someone is cold, scared, has wet the bed, coughing, throwing up, and everyone's favorite- hungry. I have lots of tips on how to get them to stay in bed, but all bets are off when one of the latter comes to pass at night. It seems most nights recently, entail one of these states of panic, turmoil, and bleary eyed pep at three a.m., while changing the bed, the child, finding the medicine, measuring it out, and getting thrown up on. In an effort not to grow to the point of unmitigated resentment, I had a little mantra that I used to get through the most recent night, and it actually worked, and kept me equipped with an overwhelming sense of appreciation for my little darlings all day, even while I slept at the red light. So here it is, "It won't be long before they never want to be in my bed...."

Soon I will sleep soundly through the night, without interruption. There will be no child longing to just be next to me. There will be no cry for my help and comfort. There will be no fat cheek to kiss and little tears to wipe away. The house will be perfect. There will be no little handprints on the walls, no eternal crumbs around the house. There will be no little toys left in strange places like pockets, and shoes and bathroom cabinets. The tubs will be spotless with no toys to clean up. There will be perfect grass in the yard, all alive and green with no little footprints back and forth to the swing set. The yard will be quiet with no screaming and yelling and running back and forth. Meals will be quiet with no interruptions. Car rides will be quiet and peaceful with no bickering and fighting singing and laughing. Weekends will be free with no little person demanding breakfast at 5 am. There will be no crafts and crayons and glue about the house. The birthday parties will not require the colorful wrapping paper and trips to pickup toys. The nights will be quiet and I will sleep. I will sleep without interruption, and the aching sense that I wish I had stopped to appreciate the little hand in mine asking for my help, my warmth and my comfort. That really in the end, sleep will be had, one day, just not today. Today I will revel in all that will eventually end; I will love tonight.