Full RSS Feed
techniques
Ask "The Momtastics" Specialized Questions
B.O.M.A:
Burnt Out Moms Anonymous, Answers & Hope
By: Colleen Shields
It’s funny how when we have little ones, whether we like it or not, 150% of our energy goes into raising them to be the best people they can be. Uber Moms of today are so into creating their little Ivy League, Pro-Soccer playing, CEO’s, that they can hardly keep up with the practices, games, study-halls, tudors, and arranged playgroups with fellow little CEO’s. More and more mothers I know are becoming exhausted, and in a constant state of frenetic rushing to and fro. Drivers beware: minivans may appear like sheep on a highway of wolves, but they’ll fly past you on the left faster than you can adjust your rearview.
The net result of this entire obsession with super-children, is mothers who can’t remember their favorite color, much less their former passion. And if you feel like you can’t keep up, you are not alone. If you are having dreams about forgetting the soccer pads for practice, burning the cookies for the bake-sale, and God forbid, forgetting to sign the field-trip permission slip, you too, are on your way to the morning you decide the bathroom floor is more appealing than the inside of a car all day, and you lock yourself in, and hunker down, possibly forever.
Not to fret. There are answers. So listen carefully:
#1. Say no.
Say no to the volunteer request every once in a while. Let someone else help make the Easter eggs. You think your kids will be upset, when the reality is, they’ll hardly notice.
#2 Give Yourself a Break!
Uber Moms may look good, and their children may appear to be superhuman next to your child with peanut butter and jelly on his cheeks, but let’s face it, she probably didn’t feed them lunch so their new outfit wouldn’t get soiled. So give yourself a little credit, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Your house does not need to look like a museum, who cares if there are crumbs all over the car, and if the laundry doesn’t get done everyone will survive.
#3 Limit the activities
A mom told me once she lets her children pick one activity a season. This makes sense. When picking activities, consider YOU! Set up a carpool with a friend for sports and rotate the kids for practices, find a piano teacher in the neighborhood so it’s easy to get them in and out, look for after-school activities right at the school- giving you one less car run, and put multiple children in the same class if possible.
#4 Follow the Flight Attendants Rules:
Remember the part where the perky flight attendant gives emergency instructions before take-off and says “In case of an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on, and then your child’s”? Take care of you first, and then you can take care of them. When you are fed, rested, and hydrated it’s a lot easier to tend to your child’s demands. I’m typically deluged with requests for ketchup, drinks, a different spoon, a different cup, coupled with multiple phones ringing and texts going off, and needless to say dinner time is a challenge. I always make sure I eat something, and get my own drink before the onslaught begins. Brush your teeth first in the morning, get your coffee first, get yourself dressed first, do these things before you do them for your child- you’ll feel happier, clean and not distracted with your own sense of what you need to do for yourself.
#5 Do One Thing For Yourself Every Day
Eating, sleeping, and brushing your teeth don’t count. I’m talking about a trip to the gym, paint your toe nails, do a mask, call an old friend, write in your journal, work on your scrap book, buy yourself a goody, plan your future, learn an instrument, return to an old hobby, read your book, pray, do a salt-scrub, watch your favorite show etc. Even putting lotion on your legs is a luxury to some, but the point is, do it- do something that makes you feel like you are taking care of you, even if it’s only 1 minute.
#6 Write Down Your Wants
We are constantly putting our own thoughts, ideas, wants, wishes, desires, goals and life aside for the moment in order to care for our children. It’s a matter of particularly when you have small children. The point is, your time will open up very soon. Once your children start pre-school, you will have small windows of unexpected time. It’s important to use these small voids of time to work toward your long term goals. Start a “Wish Book” where you write down your goals, your desires, your life expectations. When you have a moment to get back to them either later in life or waiting in the car-line, you may be able to do a little something to move you closer to your goals.
#7 Put It In Perspective
Remember- back when we were growing up, no one even wore seat belts half the time, car seats were not always used, and you were home before dark. Structured play-dates did not exist and most mothers did not have the pressure to fulfill their education, realize their brilliant career, while simultaneously being super mom. The point is, we turned okay. We survived it, we are A okay. Take a deep breath, the great majority of issues with regard to our children are temporary. Many stages take place and typically not that difficult to solve. So RELAX!
When your children are overscheduled, Mom is overscheduled and your life becomes a struggle which you have placed entirely upon yourself voluntarily. So I challenge mothers to stop the madness, look for smart ways to keep your children involved, and don’t forget to take of yourself in the process. Good luck on creating a happy family, and happy home.
Burnt Out Moms Anonymous, Answers & Hope
By: Colleen Shields
It’s funny how when we have little ones, whether we like it or not, 150% of our energy goes into raising them to be the best people they can be. Uber Moms of today are so into creating their little Ivy League, Pro-Soccer playing, CEO’s, that they can hardly keep up with the practices, games, study-halls, tudors, and arranged playgroups with fellow little CEO’s. More and more mothers I know are becoming exhausted, and in a constant state of frenetic rushing to and fro. Drivers beware: minivans may appear like sheep on a highway of wolves, but they’ll fly past you on the left faster than you can adjust your rearview.
The net result of this entire obsession with super-children, is mothers who can’t remember their favorite color, much less their former passion. And if you feel like you can’t keep up, you are not alone. If you are having dreams about forgetting the soccer pads for practice, burning the cookies for the bake-sale, and God forbid, forgetting to sign the field-trip permission slip, you too, are on your way to the morning you decide the bathroom floor is more appealing than the inside of a car all day, and you lock yourself in, and hunker down, possibly forever.
Not to fret. There are answers. So listen carefully:
#1. Say no.
Say no to the volunteer request every once in a while. Let someone else help make the Easter eggs. You think your kids will be upset, when the reality is, they’ll hardly notice.
#2 Give Yourself a Break!
Uber Moms may look good, and their children may appear to be superhuman next to your child with peanut butter and jelly on his cheeks, but let’s face it, she probably didn’t feed them lunch so their new outfit wouldn’t get soiled. So give yourself a little credit, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Your house does not need to look like a museum, who cares if there are crumbs all over the car, and if the laundry doesn’t get done everyone will survive.
#3 Limit the activities
A mom told me once she lets her children pick one activity a season. This makes sense. When picking activities, consider YOU! Set up a carpool with a friend for sports and rotate the kids for practices, find a piano teacher in the neighborhood so it’s easy to get them in and out, look for after-school activities right at the school- giving you one less car run, and put multiple children in the same class if possible.
#4 Follow the Flight Attendants Rules:
Remember the part where the perky flight attendant gives emergency instructions before take-off and says “In case of an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on, and then your child’s”? Take care of you first, and then you can take care of them. When you are fed, rested, and hydrated it’s a lot easier to tend to your child’s demands. I’m typically deluged with requests for ketchup, drinks, a different spoon, a different cup, coupled with multiple phones ringing and texts going off, and needless to say dinner time is a challenge. I always make sure I eat something, and get my own drink before the onslaught begins. Brush your teeth first in the morning, get your coffee first, get yourself dressed first, do these things before you do them for your child- you’ll feel happier, clean and not distracted with your own sense of what you need to do for yourself.
#5 Do One Thing For Yourself Every Day
Eating, sleeping, and brushing your teeth don’t count. I’m talking about a trip to the gym, paint your toe nails, do a mask, call an old friend, write in your journal, work on your scrap book, buy yourself a goody, plan your future, learn an instrument, return to an old hobby, read your book, pray, do a salt-scrub, watch your favorite show etc. Even putting lotion on your legs is a luxury to some, but the point is, do it- do something that makes you feel like you are taking care of you, even if it’s only 1 minute.
#6 Write Down Your Wants
We are constantly putting our own thoughts, ideas, wants, wishes, desires, goals and life aside for the moment in order to care for our children. It’s a matter of particularly when you have small children. The point is, your time will open up very soon. Once your children start pre-school, you will have small windows of unexpected time. It’s important to use these small voids of time to work toward your long term goals. Start a “Wish Book” where you write down your goals, your desires, your life expectations. When you have a moment to get back to them either later in life or waiting in the car-line, you may be able to do a little something to move you closer to your goals.
#7 Put It In Perspective
Remember- back when we were growing up, no one even wore seat belts half the time, car seats were not always used, and you were home before dark. Structured play-dates did not exist and most mothers did not have the pressure to fulfill their education, realize their brilliant career, while simultaneously being super mom. The point is, we turned okay. We survived it, we are A okay. Take a deep breath, the great majority of issues with regard to our children are temporary. Many stages take place and typically not that difficult to solve. So RELAX!
When your children are overscheduled, Mom is overscheduled and your life becomes a struggle which you have placed entirely upon yourself voluntarily. So I challenge mothers to stop the madness, look for smart ways to keep your children involved, and don’t forget to take of yourself in the process. Good luck on creating a happy family, and happy home.
Asked by Colleen Shields
on June 03, 2009
6 comments •
Extracurricular
Stop the Madness, Nursing 101
By Colleen Shields
As I was reading American Baby magazine today, I was reminded of just how ridiculously over-the-top many parenting experts have become. For example, in a very entry level article on breast-feeding, which recommended every few sentences to speak to your doctor or lactation consultant for further advice, the recommendation was to nurse your baby “every 2 hours or every time he cries”, and that each side should last “between 20-40 minutes”. Let’s analyze this: if you were to nurse your baby every time he cried, you could be nursing him all day, every day, and not be able to sleep, eat, change diapers, etc. If you were to nurse the baby for 40 minutes on each side, that’s an hour and ten minutes, with a forty minute break before you had to nurse again. Now, factor in the very common scenario of not being able to get baby to latch-on properly initially, and basically, you are back to nursing the baby all day, every day, literally.
The idea that there are professionals that actually recommend the mentality that babies trump all mom’s needs, as well as basic common sense, no matter the consequences is madness. I am an advocate for breast-feeding your babies, don’t get me wrong. However, I think many seemingly good-natured women, who advocate for baby are losing sight of the fact that Mom has to actually survive taking care of baby for baby to ultimately thrive. Mom and baby are the ‘unit of care’. Mom’s needs, although minimized especially in the baby’s first few weeks of life, are important, and essential to the baby’s wellbeing.
For thousands of years, there was no “lactation consultant”. I think they are great, I have used them, and paid for their services myself, however, I want my readers to recognize that for most women in history, breast-feeding advice came from experienced mothers, aunts, grandmothers, neighbors, and ‘nurse-maids’.
Being committed to breast-feeding my children, I learned some things that I, too would like to share with you, in hopes that you can see clearly through advice that simply doesn’t make sense, to something more realistic and do-able.
The first chance that you have to actually sit-up, you should try to nurse the baby. For you C-section moms, the recovery room is not optimal- you can’t sit-up. However, when you can, kick everyone out of the room except for your favorite nurse or helper and give it a try. First, place a pillow under baby- he is so small this is helpful. Place several pillows behind your back. Let your nurse show you various holds, for first-time moms- I recommend foot-ball hold because you have more control over baby’s head.
Squeeze the nipple to release some colostrum, this will get baby more interested in the prospect of sucking. Get babies jaw to drop by stroking his cheeks. The tongue should be down. When his month opens as wide as he can, pull him into the breast. A couple of things may happen: he may pull his tongue back, close his mouth before it gets to breast, or fall asleep. Keep trying and trying. If he falls asleep, unwrap him, tickle his feet, take off his undershirt if you have to. If he gets on the breast with a wide-open mouth, and tongue down, look to see that his lips are flanged all the way around. Let him suck and after a few minutes look for signs of swallowing- his upper jaw will be moving, his throat will be moving, and if he’s been hungry, he’ll relax.
If you have problems initially GET IMMEDIATE HELP. I can’t stress this enough. You can develop an incredibly painful blister or sore after one poor latch. The first week or so, you will feel like you are nursing all the time, but every 2-3 hours is about right. However, baby is getting colostrum at first which is what I call “super-milk”, so he only needs about 6 minutes on each side. After your milk comes in, in my experience and my consultants say nurse 12 minutes each side- tops.
After 4 weeks, optimum time between the beginning of each nursing is 3 hours. However, you can let the baby go up to 4 hours between nursing if he is sleeping or not fussy. At night, my pediatrician recommends letting baby go up to 6 hours without waking him to nurse. If he wakes he should not be going less than every 3 hours at night until he is 6 weeks old. After six weeks, you can wean him off his night time feedings, down to one per night until he is 2 months. After two months, you can cut out night-time feedings all together.
Many people will likely not agree with me on. My recommendations come from my pediatrician, my lactation consultants, as well as my Mother (of 6), my Aunt Joannie (mother of 9), and my aunt Patsy (mother of 8). Additionally, after three children, my own experience nursing has been different each time. My first baby only nursed for 8 weeks and was never able to get off the shield. My second nursed for 17 months, but it started out with one bad latch, and gruesome incredibly painful blisters. My third was relatively easy, but she quit after 4 months. So, my reasoning in sharing these ups and downs in nursing with my own experience is that I want every mother reading this to realize: a. It’s not easy, and b. sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Stick to your instincts. Stop letting people give you crazy advice that will surely send you to an early grave, and when in doubt, ask your mom, your aunt, your cousin. With persistence and support, you will be able to nurse as long as you want. Another time, I will discuss how to handle public nursing. When you learn my tips, you’ll see, it’s a breeze.
By Colleen Shields
As I was reading American Baby magazine today, I was reminded of just how ridiculously over-the-top many parenting experts have become. For example, in a very entry level article on breast-feeding, which recommended every few sentences to speak to your doctor or lactation consultant for further advice, the recommendation was to nurse your baby “every 2 hours or every time he cries”, and that each side should last “between 20-40 minutes”. Let’s analyze this: if you were to nurse your baby every time he cried, you could be nursing him all day, every day, and not be able to sleep, eat, change diapers, etc. If you were to nurse the baby for 40 minutes on each side, that’s an hour and ten minutes, with a forty minute break before you had to nurse again. Now, factor in the very common scenario of not being able to get baby to latch-on properly initially, and basically, you are back to nursing the baby all day, every day, literally.
The idea that there are professionals that actually recommend the mentality that babies trump all mom’s needs, as well as basic common sense, no matter the consequences is madness. I am an advocate for breast-feeding your babies, don’t get me wrong. However, I think many seemingly good-natured women, who advocate for baby are losing sight of the fact that Mom has to actually survive taking care of baby for baby to ultimately thrive. Mom and baby are the ‘unit of care’. Mom’s needs, although minimized especially in the baby’s first few weeks of life, are important, and essential to the baby’s wellbeing.
For thousands of years, there was no “lactation consultant”. I think they are great, I have used them, and paid for their services myself, however, I want my readers to recognize that for most women in history, breast-feeding advice came from experienced mothers, aunts, grandmothers, neighbors, and ‘nurse-maids’.
Being committed to breast-feeding my children, I learned some things that I, too would like to share with you, in hopes that you can see clearly through advice that simply doesn’t make sense, to something more realistic and do-able.
The first chance that you have to actually sit-up, you should try to nurse the baby. For you C-section moms, the recovery room is not optimal- you can’t sit-up. However, when you can, kick everyone out of the room except for your favorite nurse or helper and give it a try. First, place a pillow under baby- he is so small this is helpful. Place several pillows behind your back. Let your nurse show you various holds, for first-time moms- I recommend foot-ball hold because you have more control over baby’s head.
Squeeze the nipple to release some colostrum, this will get baby more interested in the prospect of sucking. Get babies jaw to drop by stroking his cheeks. The tongue should be down. When his month opens as wide as he can, pull him into the breast. A couple of things may happen: he may pull his tongue back, close his mouth before it gets to breast, or fall asleep. Keep trying and trying. If he falls asleep, unwrap him, tickle his feet, take off his undershirt if you have to. If he gets on the breast with a wide-open mouth, and tongue down, look to see that his lips are flanged all the way around. Let him suck and after a few minutes look for signs of swallowing- his upper jaw will be moving, his throat will be moving, and if he’s been hungry, he’ll relax.
If you have problems initially GET IMMEDIATE HELP. I can’t stress this enough. You can develop an incredibly painful blister or sore after one poor latch. The first week or so, you will feel like you are nursing all the time, but every 2-3 hours is about right. However, baby is getting colostrum at first which is what I call “super-milk”, so he only needs about 6 minutes on each side. After your milk comes in, in my experience and my consultants say nurse 12 minutes each side- tops.
After 4 weeks, optimum time between the beginning of each nursing is 3 hours. However, you can let the baby go up to 4 hours between nursing if he is sleeping or not fussy. At night, my pediatrician recommends letting baby go up to 6 hours without waking him to nurse. If he wakes he should not be going less than every 3 hours at night until he is 6 weeks old. After six weeks, you can wean him off his night time feedings, down to one per night until he is 2 months. After two months, you can cut out night-time feedings all together.
Many people will likely not agree with me on. My recommendations come from my pediatrician, my lactation consultants, as well as my Mother (of 6), my Aunt Joannie (mother of 9), and my aunt Patsy (mother of 8). Additionally, after three children, my own experience nursing has been different each time. My first baby only nursed for 8 weeks and was never able to get off the shield. My second nursed for 17 months, but it started out with one bad latch, and gruesome incredibly painful blisters. My third was relatively easy, but she quit after 4 months. So, my reasoning in sharing these ups and downs in nursing with my own experience is that I want every mother reading this to realize: a. It’s not easy, and b. sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Stick to your instincts. Stop letting people give you crazy advice that will surely send you to an early grave, and when in doubt, ask your mom, your aunt, your cousin. With persistence and support, you will be able to nurse as long as you want. Another time, I will discuss how to handle public nursing. When you learn my tips, you’ll see, it’s a breeze.
Asked by Colleen Shields
on May 27, 2009
1 comment •
Breastfeeding
How do I get my newborn to stop crying!
Asked by MediaGirl
on September 12, 2007
2 comments •
Newborns
See what "The Momtastics" Think
Colleen ShieldsMOTHER'S ADVOCATE Colleen Shields is the creator of Survivalmom.com, the television show “Surviving Motherhood” (not the TLC version), and the charitable organization, The Survival Mom’s Network. Colleen serves as our very own ‘Mother’s Advocate’, and oversees the operations of Survivalmom.com. She is the mother of four children, from 7 to 1 year-old. She is a former Account Executive for NBC, (among other sales oriented positions), and actress. Colleen credits her passion for motherhood to her Mother, Catherine McCarthy (of 6!), and her Grandmother, Flora Coan Daly, who tirelessly raised nine children while pursuing her causes with courage, passion and determination- with no fanfare, no salary, and little acknowledgement. Colleen lives in Annapolis, Maryland with her husband, Optometrist, Dr. George B. Shields and their children. Together they own and run Embassy Opticians, located at the top of Main Street in downtown Annapolis, as well as Flora Dora Productions, Inc.
Jennie Grimm
Co-Host/Super Mommy Jennie Grimm dishes it out as the shorter half of The Momtastics ™ along side Colleen Shields. First and foremost she is the mother of Jack, Katie and Charlie. A veteran of the publishing world, she co-created The GiggleWings—a line of plush dolls that sold over 500,000 units in their first two weeks. She also co-authored “Meet The GiggleWings,” a children’s book based on the dolls. A graduate of West Virginia Wesleyan College and the prestigious NYU Publishing Institute, she has worked on both the creative and business sides of book and magazine publishing. After a brief stint as an intern at a Harper Collins imprint, Jennie worked as a contractor with Arthur Anderson editing the Department of Defense’s creepy reports to Congress. She then made the move to Network Communications as the second in command of over 70 real estate publications from Atlanta to Alaska. When the wheels fell off her suitcase, Jennie knew it was time for a change and embarked on creating a career as a freelance writer and columnist for local and national magazines where she threw caution to the wind jumping out of airplanes and interviewing some pretty scary characters all in the name of her “art.” Jennie married her husband Pete in 2001. A graduate of The United States Naval Academy, Pete left the Navy in 2006 and currently works for the Department of Defense as, well…we could tell you but then we would have to kill you. As a recovering military wife, Jennie has been in the unique position of being married and a single parent at the same time due to her husband’s multiple journeys overseas. After her last pregnancy, Jennie and Pete cut a deal: he would stop deploying to Iraq if she would stop having babies. Jennie and her family live in Annapolis, Maryland within shouting distance of Colleen and her brood.
Co-Host/Super Mommy Jennie Grimm dishes it out as the shorter half of The Momtastics ™ along side Colleen Shields. First and foremost she is the mother of Jack, Katie and Charlie. A veteran of the publishing world, she co-created The GiggleWings—a line of plush dolls that sold over 500,000 units in their first two weeks. She also co-authored “Meet The GiggleWings,” a children’s book based on the dolls. A graduate of West Virginia Wesleyan College and the prestigious NYU Publishing Institute, she has worked on both the creative and business sides of book and magazine publishing. After a brief stint as an intern at a Harper Collins imprint, Jennie worked as a contractor with Arthur Anderson editing the Department of Defense’s creepy reports to Congress. She then made the move to Network Communications as the second in command of over 70 real estate publications from Atlanta to Alaska. When the wheels fell off her suitcase, Jennie knew it was time for a change and embarked on creating a career as a freelance writer and columnist for local and national magazines where she threw caution to the wind jumping out of airplanes and interviewing some pretty scary characters all in the name of her “art.” Jennie married her husband Pete in 2001. A graduate of The United States Naval Academy, Pete left the Navy in 2006 and currently works for the Department of Defense as, well…we could tell you but then we would have to kill you. As a recovering military wife, Jennie has been in the unique position of being married and a single parent at the same time due to her husband’s multiple journeys overseas. After her last pregnancy, Jennie and Pete cut a deal: he would stop deploying to Iraq if she would stop having babies. Jennie and her family live in Annapolis, Maryland within shouting distance of Colleen and her brood.
